big news and grr news and wheee news

  • Jan. 26th, 2012 at 11:19 PM
neomeruru: (Default)
Good news first! It's exciting news, actually! Today I was accepted into a certificate program at a local art university, Emily Carr University of Art and Design. I'll be doing a program they recently started offering for folks who are interested primarily in illustration. It should take something like three to four years, but I'm already signed up for three courses: Materials and Media in Fine Art, Basics of Composition and Form, and Drawing Fundamentals.

I'm mostly really excited to get some real education in the fundamentals -- I've never had any sort of art education -- which totally shows, right? I take solace in the fact that I'm going into this with a heart scoured clean of hubris (thanks, fandom!), with the knowledge that I am going to be told that I am very, very bad and terrible and awful, and I actually kind of welcome it. I submit, o art school! Make me whole and perfect in Your image!

Okay, now the bad news. LASIK is really not working for me, you guys. I've done some shiftless complaining on Twitter, but here's the deal. I just passed the three month mark, which is supposed to be when people start to shake off the last bits of fog and get on with their lives. This is really not the case for me. In addition to the dry eyes which have been plaguing me since the beginning, I got an eye infection earlier this month that I'm still grappling with, and that's impeded my progress greatly. I can see finally, which is nice, but I can't read at a distance, and that's pretty disheartening. There's a lot of things to read in the world, from drive-thru menus to road signs to digital clocks and license plates, and my experience in the world is so incomplete now that just thinking about it makes me want to cry and scream and possibly never leave my room again.

At the clinic yesterday I heard the word 'regression' more times than I'm really comfortable with. But, infuriatingly, I can't seem to get a straight answer from them. Is it regression? Is it still dry eyes? Is it the infection that's holding me back? They talked about having me in again for a 'touch-up', such an innocuous word for the trauma of going through it all again, being blind and helpless and sore all over again. I told them no, I would sooner wear glasses than do it again. But maybe. If they did one eye at a time. But what if they fucked it up even worse? I only have so much cornea to spare.

Ugh, I get just nauseated with anger every time I think about it. I should end this entry on something happier.

Other than the gross LASIK stuff, my life is actually going pretty well! That's mostly due to the whole new boyfriend adventure, which has basically proven to be as wonderful and life-affirming and fulfilling and wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee as advertised on the tin. I don't even really have words for how incredible it is to finally be dating him after so long in each other's orbit -- I could go into some embarassing detail about the very specific points of incredibleness, but for the dignity of all involved, I'd better not. Suffice it to say, yrs trly is a very happy camper on that front.

I know I've been a little quiet in terms of art lately, and that's because I've been working on [ profile] sho_no_tabi's Big Bang, which we're posting on February 9th. Long time fans of her universe will NOT be disappointed, which is all I can say about that. I laughed out loud, I cried real tears, it'll be a good show all around.

keysmashes of aroused appreciation

  • Oct. 10th, 2011 at 9:51 PM
neomeruru: (that's what I think of that)
(thanks [ profile] krytella for the title, which I lifted from a recent tweet)

So, last night I was watching I, Caveman, a two-part minidoc from Morgan Spurlock, of Supersize Me fame. It was decent, for what it was: ten people naffing about in the wilderness, living like paleolithic people for ten days, so that Spurlock could do what he normally does and sanctimoniously shoehorn in a parting message about how paleolithic people were happier and more socially connected than modern people.

Two people ended up quitting the tribe (and I still think the tribe should have gotten their bodyweight in pork in compensation), they all suffered dehydration and starvation, by the end of the ten days at least half the camp was doing fuck-all waiting for the 'experiment' to be over. The women (save one) were portrayed as whining layabouts, when recent studies postulate that the foragers of paleolithic tribes would have been bringing in the most food and running the tribe.

There was one pretty cool scene, though. The hunters (Spurlock, a bowhunter, a writer, and a bounty hunter) managed to track a herd of elk and take one down with an atlatl, a spear-chucking weapon. The hunt (which was done in accordance with local hunting regulations) was the climax of the show, a moving and powerful segment with strong cinematography. The participants were shown crying and comforting each other as they -- what seemed like sincerely -- experienced the spiritual impact of killing an animal in such a way, so they could literally take it back to their starving tribe. The writer, who threw the killing spear, said moving words about how, on his deathbed, this is the moment he will remember -- how it changed him to know that he took an animal's life, and one day it would be his turn.

Writing that kind of makes me roll my eyes at the show, but truly, it was a really powerful segment. I felt chills the whole time I was watching it, I was in awe.

But! While that's the coolest part, it is by no means the funniest. See, they skinned and cleaned this massive elk in the field, pulling no punches about the gore and the blood and the flies, then quartered the meat and hauled these HUGE legs back to the camp. Billy, the bowhunter... well... okay, picture a Jayne-looking guy, who's been fairly dependable the whole show, bringing back this 150lb shank of elk, covered in grime and blood from head to toe. While watching him heave this clean hunk of meat into a mountain river, I was realized I was doing something like this:

(I learned how to make gifs so I could make this, no lie.)

So, yeah. At first I was like, fuck yeah, I'd climb all over that.

Then I was like, wait, that's just a paleolithic re-imagining of my quite already existing competence kink.

And then I was like. OH.


I dislike evolutionary psychology... but... I mean... it's right there, this time. What came first? Did my already-known competency kink colour my perceptions of someone doing something awesome on TV (it has in the past been triggered by Sgt. Cam Woolley, I kid you not), or does said kink arise from a generic prerogative to seek out strong mates?

Ugh, that sentence makes me nauseated just typing it; evolutionary wonks make my gorge rise. Like, I obviously believe in evolution, right, that's not in question here. But I find the entire field of evolutionary psychology criminally fraught with modern biases. Apart from Wikipedia's impressive list of criticisms, it's also sort of my own personal Godwin's Law. I see it used too often in the dark corners of the internet (strong correlation to presence of neckbeards with Nice Guy Syndrome) to explain all sorts of sexist, reductionist bullshit. Every time I hear someone even BREATHE the words 'that's the way we've been since caveman times' I secretly want to drive an ice pick into their skull.

But damned if my first reaction to a staged paleolithic hunt was to reward that motherfucker with perfect babies, hot damn.
neomeruru: (hate and love)
HELLO HELLO. I am feeling oddly over-sharingy today, so this stream-of-consciousness-post is going to span a whole lot of things.

1. A spider has made an impressive web spanning the width of our front doorframe, with just enough room to duck under it. I can't help but think this is good luck -- spiders are lucky, and in mythology webs traditionally prevent evil from entering the house. So, I like this. I like our spider.

2. This Iron Man AMV gave me goosebumps:

Perfect song choice, perfect clip choice. RDJ's badassery doesn't hurt. Look at that motherfucker, raising his hands as the world explodes behind him. It makes me shudder. When Avengers comes out, I am going to be squirming in my seat from all the hot. I don't even know what I'm going to do.

3. To anyone inquiring after my mental health: I am not mad, just disappointed.

4. The landlords are having a party upstairs and the guest of honour seems to be Lord Eurotechno.

5. I have a ship, and it is Natasha/Pepper. Not Romanova; Stark. Yeah, Natasha Stark. I finally have a femmeslash ship, and it's a genderbend from a literal alternate universe. Yeesh.

6. Tumblr fandom: fundamentally different from Livejournal-centred fandom? I feel like the standards of friendly public fandom discourse I grew up with on Livejournal don't apply to Tumblr. There seem to be a lot more ship wars, lack of warnings, and disregard for crediting the original sources of fanart. The last one especially bothers me. I hope this isn't the changing of the guard on the horizon, I think this is a terrible paradigm change.

7. I do not have a Pinboard, but I like Maciej very much. I would like to send him cookies.

8. I am a think-about-it-as-you-talk kind of person, and Mr. Meruru is a remain-silent-until-ready-to-talk kind of person. This is proving difficult to manage. If you are a likes-to-think-before-speaking person, consider the mental health of the talk-all-the-time loved ones in your life. To us, not speaking during an argument serious relationship talk is tantamount to rejecting the line of conversation (and therefore us), and your silence after we've nattered on, and probably changed our minds twice while doing it, is utter agony.

9. After something like eight years, I have finally gotten my hands on a copy of Ico again! It came out earlier this week, bundled with Shadow of the Colossus. Ico was one of the best games for PS2, and has stood the test of time impressively. I finished it tonight and it literally brought tears to my eyes.

10. Seriously. No matter how grumpy and unattractive I feel, I look at set pictures for the Avengers and I think, 'Yeah, I could go for some sex right now.'

11. Last night I dreamed I was holding a very squirmy, vulnerable newborn. And then later I was admiring myself in the mirror and I was skeletal. Brain, please stop tapping into my most horrifying desires, kthx.

12. zombieboyfrands for Shousetsu Bang Bang is up to 11k words. I. What. What is this even. I hope people will read it, because I really like it and it's got all my tender squishy places written into it.

13. I am so fucking tippy recently. I regard the shower like one would regard a wild raccoon.

14. Flynn lives.

at least we have our health

  • Aug. 18th, 2011 at 11:58 AM
neomeruru: (shut your bitch mouth)
The following mountains I have climbed in order to claim my orthotics expenses:

- wait forever and a day to receive invoice
- wait forever and a day to get receipt of payment
- don't know my EHP member number
- don't know my employee group
- don't know if I'm covered under Husband's plan as well
- don't know Husband's EHP group number or member number
- Husband's HR representative makes a cockatoo look smart
- what's my official name again?
- change name here! change name here! change name-- OH GOD IT WILL NEVER BE DONE
- a wild EYE EXAM appears? CLAIM ITEM PKMN RUN
- my plan covers eye exams! oh no, wait, it doesn't
- register for Husband's online claim management, how do?
- eye exam receipt calls me Mr. [neomeruru], what
- find direct deposit information on helpful form which I stored in an obvious location, of course
- not listed under married name as Husband's dependent

And now just today:

- Husband's plan will not take my eye exam claim until it's already been declined by mine! Even though it very clearly states my plan does not cover eye exams!


Seriously okay I got through this whole thing without having a bureaucracy-related flip-out, but that really takes the cake. I get a perverse thrill out of understanding and navigating complex systems, but purposefully inefficient systems make me HULK SMASH--

AN EFFICIENT MERURU IS A HAPPY MERURU. It's right up there with food and shelter. Food, shelter, water, and my mighty MACHETE OF EFFICIENCY

So I am sending a clutch of original receipts (with photocopies clenched in my cold, unfeeling hands) off to my EHP provider, $165 of which I know will be outright denied, when I could -- COME ON. THE BRASS RING IS RIGHT THERE. LET ME GRAB IT.

On the plus side, my optometrist is the absolute best, and I want to pull his head into my lap and pet his hair as he stares off into the distance and talks about corneal thickness and macular degeneration. My prescription has only changed by .25 in four years, undoubtedly due to eyestrain over the past year as I spend increasing amounts of time in front of the computer working on art. So that means I can start looking into laser eye surgery, if I so desire.

I'm not sure if I will... I know that I should. I'm not scared of the procedure at all -- I'm actually scared of what comes after. I wear glasses. I just... do. I wear glasses. I have since I was six. What would life be like without them? Easier, in some ways, but I'm the kind of person who resists change if the present situation is at least adequate. Has anyone had laser eye surgery and can talk about the experience, in that way?

this body will fight you

  • Jul. 29th, 2011 at 2:53 AM
neomeruru: (shut your bitch mouth)
So generally I have the devil's luck when it comes to finding good doctors, and as a result I look at the entire medical profession and its accouterments with fondness. Even the supposedly scary stuff, like getting naked in front of people and getting stuck with sharp things.

Which makes it all the more weird when I have an experience with a doctor that leaves me absolutely spitting mad.

cut for female health issues, which really shouldn't make you squeamish, but just in case. )

do not mess with me, you will not win

  • Jun. 17th, 2011 at 8:33 PM
neomeruru: (shut your bitch mouth)
Arrrrrrrrrrghhhh! My debit card was compromised and some fuckstick withdrew over a thousand dollars!

...but surprisingly, everything turned out okay! My bank is awesome, just really awesome. They noticed it, put a hold on the card, and called me twice right away with an automated message. I ignored the message, of course -- who gives out their banking information to someone cold calling and saying they're a bank, really? But I looked up my accounts and saw the HUGE SMOKING CRATER where my money used to be, gave them a call, and took care of everything in less than half an hour with the help of two very helpful and sympathetic people at Loss Prevention.

I'm feeling very level-headed about this, as for the past four months I've been a real crusader about putting money into emergency savings accounts, and we were just paid last night so there's quite the cushion to survive the 5-7 business days it'll take to investigate the fraudulent charges, and my bank was ace at putting a stop to the fuckery right away. The most annoying part is having to go into a branch on a weekend to get a new access card, but even that isn't so bad -- they're open on weekends! Both days!

All in all, shitty situation that is going to be a walk in the park thanks to having a great bank and sound financial planning. For the first part, if you're local you should switch to TD Canada Trust. Seriously. Best bank ever. For the second part, I cannot stress enough the utility of having your bank automatically transfer money to a savings account before you even get your hands on it. I lost a thousand dollars on paper and everything is going to be okay because there's still two months of emergency living expenses in the bank.

A year ago this would have been absolutely world-ending. I am relieved and thankful that I've finally dug us out of that hole. It took a long fucking time, man, but the light at the end of the tunnel is not a train, it is awesome.

memes are for procrastination

  • Mar. 9th, 2011 at 11:00 AM
neomeruru: (hate and love)
I like this meme because it is like a list, and I like lists. I also like not doing work. Ganked unrepentantly from [ profile] fae_boleyn.

click here to read the rest of this narcissism )

That meme only had nineteen questions. Why would you do that. Why wouldn't you just make it an even twenty.

Just got a call from my boss, who has instructed me to pick a restaurant and make reservations for three people -- we're celebrating the end of my probation! Which I passed, of course. Hooray! Pay raise!

fandom: my anti-cookie

  • Jan. 11th, 2011 at 3:51 PM
neomeruru: (Default)
So you might have seen this image on [ profile] cherrybina's entry, but here it is again for posterity:

CIGAR and ICE CREAM, and a look that dares you to make something of it. Oh, Leo, I have never been your fangirl, but this is close, even for you.

But also, and this is the crux of the post, this image has the dubious honour of making me put down the cookie I was using the fill the empty hole in my soul. I actually thought if I eat this cookie I will never look lean and awesome like him, which, I mean, is an illness, really, what the hell, I don't even know where that came from, he's not even all that fit really, and I don't have and have never had an eating disorder.

But now my cookie doesn't taste good any more. D:





a state

  • Nov. 2nd, 2010 at 3:00 PM
neomeruru: (Default)
An update, broken down into discrete parts like a first-year paper:

- five hours of sleep last night

- started watching my caloric intake
- because really I don't understand, how does 160lb fit on this frame?
- discovery: 1200 calories/day = FUCKING HUNGRY ALL THE TIME

- bailed while running last week, jammed my leg up into the hip socket
- ow ow ow ow

- been off my feet for like a week now, desperately needing walkies
- my character in Fallout 3 gets more exercise than I do

Oh friendslist, hello, please to be giving me inspiration on what to draw next? Because there is precious little I can do right now to keep my mind off of the crushing boredom and hunger and boundless energy.

ETA: hi hi hi, Nanowrimo/Sketchavember/artgrind friends, look at you go! Good luck this month with your sundry madnesses!


neomeruru: (Default)
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