a poly thought

  • Apr. 18th, 2011 at 2:10 AM
neomeruru: (Default)
I am constantly taking off my wedding band because it chafes. I never lose it, I just put it down on my desk. I always put it back on. Husband, on the other hand, never takes his off.

Hah, the damn things are metaphorical, even if not in the typical sense. :D

[eta: and when Husband notices I'm not wearing it, he gives me this Look, like I am very silly and he loves me, and then I'm like 'but I have a blister and I had to take it off!' and he's like 'oh okay, that's fine then'. love.)
neomeruru: (the end is nigh)
Oh, I also really need to share some terrifying time-related conversations I have had with Husband. He knows of my temporal malady, and often exploits it to make me squirm. ><

Like yesterday, when we were driving past my high school and they were having their welcoming night for incoming students. I remarked fondly that I remembered going to mine, and he pointed out that, on a timeline, I am closer to taking my own non-existent twelve-year-old to her high school welcome than I am from going to my own. FFFFFfffffffffuuuuuuuguuuuuuuaaaaaah.

Or how we were talking about the various ways people explain the way consciousness of self is portrayed in time travel. Like, how it could destroyed at point of travel, it could overwrite the consciousness of a destination vessel, it could be subjugated to the past consciousness, or it could be deposited into a new physical entity at the destination time. I said any one of these is possible, he said all of them are possible and may have all already happened, I said that it is impossible that the second scenario has happened because I would have a memory of travelling back in time. And then he pointed out that it's possible I have travelled through time and retain memories of it, but because humankind not meant to mess with the fabric of time, the memories are traumatic and I've repressed them, resulting in my time travel phobia.

I say again, FFFFFFfffffffffuuuuuuguuuuaaaaah. That's just not cool, okay. I can feel the bile rise in my throat just thinking about that.

to wild and shocked applause

  • Jan. 29th, 2011 at 11:32 AM
neomeruru: (fuck this shit!)
Heteronormative fun times on the shuttle bus yesterday:

Bus Driver: Are you two married?
Us: Uh, yes.
BD: Yeah, I can tell. The married people never talk to each other. Single people, dating, they can't stop talking. But married people, they never talk.
Me: Uh, I don't think we've been married long enough to get to that point yet...
(awkward silence)
Me: ...and it's more like, you live with each other, you see each other every day, and after a while you don't really need words. You already know what they're thinking.
BD: So, like you communicate through glaring at each other.
Me: Yeah... I guess.
BD: I'll bet I can read him, "Look, I don't care how many times you ask, you're not getting any more shoes!"
Me: ... ... ... do I look like the kind of woman who enjoys shoes? Do I?

And then when we got of the bus, Kev turned to me and said, very seriously, "And that's when Lindsay whipped the shit out of the bus driver."

And I replied, "Shoes, don't trifle me with such nonsense, shoes, what sort of question is that, shoes."

I like having my hair a little longer and wearing clothes that don't look like the 90's threw up on me, but jesus. I need to wear a sign that says 'I will verbally fuck you up if you think I'm normal.'

A tempest cyclone, a goddamn hurricane. D:

life after marriage

  • Jan. 23rd, 2011 at 2:23 AM
neomeruru: (hate and love)
So there are a lot of great things about being married, but by far the largest perk is the knowledge that I will never, ever have to explain my intimate neuroses with another person. Things like:

  • I need to sleep with my feet uncovered, with my blankets bunched up under my knees.

  • Given the slightest chance, I will go fully nocturnal.

  • I never, ever finish a meal. I tell people I'm leaving some for my fairy, but really it's because eating makes me feel sick. I always take food home from restaurants.

  • I need to be able to look at my feet when I'm walking. If I'm carrying something that obscures my feet or if the lights go out, I can't move. This goes double for stairs.

  • I am absolutely terrified of falling down the stairs and will always, always seek out the handrail.

  • I always sit facing the door in restaurants. I don't even know why I do this.

  • I have a completely irrational fear of time travel and alternate universes where only small details have changed.

  • I will find every opportunity to NOT use the phone.

  • When I look my most composed, I am actually my most terrified.

  • I do not bargain sex, even in jest. There is no quid pro quo, even if I love the person and would totally be all over that with clear and enthusiastic consent otherwise. Even joking about it sets my I-will-have-sex-with-you meter down to zero.

  • If I say I love something, wait five minutes. If I still love it in five minutes, I will love it forever. Chances are that I won't, though.

  • I will seek out a horizontal surface at any given opportunity. I'll lean on any available vertical surface if I have to.

  • Sitting in a chair? Feet go up. No exceptions, even if it's just a little bit under the table.

  • I hate apologies. If I'm angry, the best course of action is keep your mouth shut until my internal narrative forgives you.

  • The easiest way to my heart is flattery. The second easiest is kindness in the face of my sometimes unbearable cruelty. Husband went for Option 2, bless his soul.


I mean, I can let someone else into all of my secrets, if I want, but the crushing weight of oh god, this person should really know everything about me in case they're The One is gone. Someone already knows the exact way I like my tea, and I never have to teach anyone about my mundane details ever again.

And dating? Dating is not so terrible when everyone knows that it's not just an elaborate mating ritual. Taking away the are you The One? dance makes it bearable. Fun, even!

stupid phone is more puritan than I am

  • Jan. 13th, 2011 at 11:19 PM
neomeruru: (Default)
So there's a coffee stop across from work, a cute little place, with the usual buffet of cute baristas. One in particular is always pretty happy to see me when I come in, and we usually get to some harmless flirting and eye-sex while I wait for my drink. Today he was particularly attentive and flirty, and apparently this meant I didn't need to pay for my drink today! Score!

And then I put my headphones back in, and my iPhone was playing Husband's Lament, also known as "Our Song", if I can be so twee as to say that Husband and I have a song.

So now my phone has a new name:

my husband the 'shipper

  • Dec. 18th, 2010 at 12:01 PM
neomeruru: (Default)
So basically Husband is amazing, because I'm sitting here in the Art Zone in a total altered state of drawing tunnel vision when he turns to me and says:

"This is a song for Neal Caffrey, isn't it?"

And when I pull myself out of the drawing state, which is like the Avatar state only less bright, iTunes is playing Goo Goo Dolls - Iris, you know, the I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand, I just want you to know who I am part.

I WILL MAKE A FANGIRL OUT OF HIM YET.

(You see, because the song isn't about white collar crime or cons or anything, he went straight for the EMOTIONAL GRAVITAS like a true 'shipper, and... you know what, nevermind, you either get that or you don't. :D)

And it's okay if he's the kind of fangirl who puts Gravity of Love and, like, Running Up That Hill in every fanmix, because he will be my fangirl.

P.S. I also tell him about all the crazy things that happen in Inception fandom, like juicebox!Eames and catboy!Arthur and boxing!kink and rimming memes and INCEPTION FANDOM IS JUST A TREASURE TROVE OF SHIT I NEVER THOUGHT I'D LOVE, OKAY, and he is a dirty filthy enabler when it comes to these things. Like during the catboy era he was seriously trying to throw cat scenarios at me to draw. He writes gay porn, too. What is this, I don't even, how is my husband so amazing.

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