new cards in my deck

  • Jul. 21st, 2011 at 12:41 PM
neomeruru: (hate and love)
An appendix to my last art post: oh, what a difference a year can make!

I used the same reference photo for Arthur's face in the last one as I did in the first Inception fanart I drew. So, yeah. The difference makes me feel pretty good. Thanks everyone for sticking with me as I gradually move towards sucking less and less. <3

a thanks

  • May. 19th, 2011 at 11:55 AM
neomeruru: (Default)
Everyone hangs out on the internet for different reasons, but I have this theory that most of them boil down to the fact that none of us were hugged enough as children and so we have this great gaping need for attention and affection that we'll spend our whole lives filling -- or perhaps that's just the human condition.

In a round-about way, that sentence was supposed to seque into just me being thankful that so many people have been stopping by to comment on my entries recently. I don't want to be petty, or attention-seeking, and sometimes it feels a little taboo to look behind the curtain at fandom and talk about how it all works, on a platform-paradigm level. And I have honestly and truly been working on being someone who feels validated because of my self-worth and not because of the attention of other people, and I've been doing pretty good at it recently. But... that doesn't in any way diminish the fact that it feels good when you get comments. Validation is pleasurable. Saying something and getting a response is pleasurable.

So thanks, folks, for continually brightening my day with your comments, be they wry or sincere, flailingly enthusastic or reserved, supportive or chiding; be they long or short, on Twitter or LJ or by direct message or email; whether they come by bits or by carrier pigeon. Thank you for reflecting the sound of my own voice so it doesn't fall into the void, and for gifting me the sound of your own. I'm really thankful, I will never stop being thankful, and I really appreciate you.

I am the worst at replying to comments, but I am trying to be better. I am even worse at leaving comments for others, but I am already improving on that one. I don't think I'll ever be as amazing as [ profile] jibrailis, who comments on every entry on her friends page, or [ profile] cherrybina, who is unfailingly enthusiastic in every reply, but let's consider it to be a fandom goal. :D

in short: be a better person

  • Dec. 26th, 2010 at 1:22 AM
neomeruru: (hate and love)
New Year's Resolutions! This time, I'll do what [ profile] hundun does and revisit these in a year and see how I did. I, uh, didn't do this last year, because I was busy ignoring my livejournal and only occasionally posting things I look back on now and find incredibly hilarious.

Anyway, on to the resolutions. They are all actually kind of connected, really.

1) If I want something to happen, I will make it happen. This includes travelling, learning new skills, practicing my current skills, being productive, whatever. I'm far past the time in my life when I can rely on other people to make my dreams come true, as corny as that sounds. I need to realize that the only person who will make these things happen is me.

2) I will keep up the ridiculously prolific artflow. I let myself get lazy and stop doing art. I like making art, I like expressing myself in pictures, and I love getting recognition for my art. I'd love to get a job doing concept illustrations. But I need to be better. I need to make art in order to be good at art, and I can't let myself slide back into artistic entropy because it's easier.

2b) I will start working on a 100 Themes-type challenge, likely this one on deviantART, specifically variation one. There's no timeline for this, I just want to embark on it.

3) I will become a more productive person, literally. This means I will derive less entertainment from consuming the creative efforts of other people (movies, music, video games, etc.), and more from my own efforts to amuse myself (crafting, art, exercise, learning new skills, etc.). Relying on consumption to bring pleasure anesthetizes the mind, making it more difficult to imagine yourself as a creative person. It also provides a false sense of accomplishment and contentment. Fandom is exempt from this, because overall the culture of fandom encourages active participation and creative collaboration/production.

4) I will continue to work on my physical endurance and strength. Because some awesome things in life are up an incline greater than 15°.

5) Obligatory money resolution: I will have at least 4k in savings by the end of the year. Yeah, shut up, I should have that now, but this year instead I paid off nearly 10k, so sucks to your ass-mar.