not as advertised

  • Dec. 10th, 2011 at 11:01 PM
neomeruru: (west wing toby)
Things I have done since getting laser eye surgery two months ago:

- one rounds of steroids (+$10)
- one round of antibiotics (+$10)
- Refresh eyedrops (+$20)
- Systane eyedrops (+$50)
- temporarily plugged my puncta with biodegradable plugs (free because I complained)
- permanently plugged my puncta with silicone plugs (+$150)
- another round of weaker steroids (+$10)
- started taking omega-3 supplements (+$15)
- started drinking more water
- switched to preservative-free eye drops (+$20)
- started using an eye ointment at night (+$10)

Things I have not done since getting laser eye surgery two months ago:

- seen clearly

The big hoorah last night was that I could finally, if I squinted and kind of unfocussed my eyes, see the face in the moon!

Don't do it. Or at least, if you do, don't do it because you think it's easy.

at least we have our health

  • Aug. 18th, 2011 at 11:58 AM
neomeruru: (shut your bitch mouth)
The following mountains I have climbed in order to claim my orthotics expenses:

- wait forever and a day to receive invoice
- wait forever and a day to get receipt of payment
- don't know my EHP member number
- don't know my employee group
- don't know if I'm covered under Husband's plan as well
- don't know Husband's EHP group number or member number
- Husband's HR representative makes a cockatoo look smart
- what's my official name again?
- change name here! change name here! change name-- OH GOD IT WILL NEVER BE DONE
- a wild EYE EXAM appears? CLAIM ITEM PKMN RUN
- my plan covers eye exams! oh no, wait, it doesn't
- register for Husband's online claim management, how do?
- eye exam receipt calls me Mr. [neomeruru], what
- find direct deposit information on helpful form which I stored in an obvious location, of course
- not listed under married name as Husband's dependent

And now just today:

- Husband's plan will not take my eye exam claim until it's already been declined by mine! Even though it very clearly states my plan does not cover eye exams!

WHY BOTHER UNDERSTANDING HOW THE BUREAUCRACY WORKS IF IT INSISTS ON MAKING ME DO THINGS THAT MAKE IT LOOK LIKE I CAN'T READ MY OWN GODDAMN PLAN wheeze wheeze

Seriously okay I got through this whole thing without having a bureaucracy-related flip-out, but that really takes the cake. I get a perverse thrill out of understanding and navigating complex systems, but purposefully inefficient systems make me HULK SMASH--

AN EFFICIENT MERURU IS A HAPPY MERURU. It's right up there with food and shelter. Food, shelter, water, and my mighty MACHETE OF EFFICIENCY

So I am sending a clutch of original receipts (with photocopies clenched in my cold, unfeeling hands) off to my EHP provider, $165 of which I know will be outright denied, when I could -- COME ON. THE BRASS RING IS RIGHT THERE. LET ME GRAB IT.

On the plus side, my optometrist is the absolute best, and I want to pull his head into my lap and pet his hair as he stares off into the distance and talks about corneal thickness and macular degeneration. My prescription has only changed by .25 in four years, undoubtedly due to eyestrain over the past year as I spend increasing amounts of time in front of the computer working on art. So that means I can start looking into laser eye surgery, if I so desire.

I'm not sure if I will... I know that I should. I'm not scared of the procedure at all -- I'm actually scared of what comes after. I wear glasses. I just... do. I wear glasses. I have since I was six. What would life be like without them? Easier, in some ways, but I'm the kind of person who resists change if the present situation is at least adequate. Has anyone had laser eye surgery and can talk about the experience, in that way?

this body will fight you

  • Jul. 29th, 2011 at 2:53 AM
neomeruru: (shut your bitch mouth)
So generally I have the devil's luck when it comes to finding good doctors, and as a result I look at the entire medical profession and its accouterments with fondness. Even the supposedly scary stuff, like getting naked in front of people and getting stuck with sharp things.

Which makes it all the more weird when I have an experience with a doctor that leaves me absolutely spitting mad.

cut for female health issues, which really shouldn't make you squeamish, but just in case. )

every day full of joy

  • May. 4th, 2011 at 1:52 PM
neomeruru: (don't give a shit)
Icon is appropriate.

Last night I tweeted about some Big Emotions, and the digital hugs were very much appreciated. All loved ones are intact and alive, if you were worried. What actually happened is the the Job Opportunity at my much-beloved previous workplace I was carefully trying not to hang my hopes on turned out exactly the way I had feared, and despite all appearances and careful not-promises to the contrary, it went to a much less qualified internal transfer that no one expected. This is the fourth time the chips have fallen exactly thus, and it is frustrating both institutionally and personally.

After what felt like the beginnings of a crying fit to end all fits, I realized that I felt actually mostly empty about the news, not sad. Which is good, actually, because the second time time I got news exactly like this (from the same people, no less), I nearly jumped off a rooftop, and the third time I drew this, which was much more cathartic and, all in all, a better use of my time. Seeing as this is my fourth time at this exact rodeo, and my seventh time at a very similar one, I suppose I finally do not have it in me to care.

So, here are my Big Emotions about getting fucked over* regarding Job Opportunity, the pros and cons edition:

Cons/Negative emotions:
- current job is lonely as hell
- getting fucked over by the Collective Agreement, again
- five-year-plan is now a yawning, empty chasm of 'wtf do I do now'
- current job is far away and has no opportunity for career growth
- I need to go to a bullshit conference I thought I'd get out of
- I miss my friends at my old job :(
- who the hell do I have to shoot and/or blow to get some recognition up in here
- nooooooooobody knows the troubles I've seen
- this had been my carrot on a stick for seven months = feelings of loss
- while we are financially afloat at long last, it would have been significantly better
- relatedly, bye bye foreign adventure, see you next year :\

Pros/Positive emotions:
- current job gives me lots of time to fandom and the hours are more flexible
- I only have two superiors and we are more of a team, really
- work schedule is better to spend time with Husband
- work is paying me to take personal development classes (like Illustrator)
- I don't have to have the 'thanks for hiring me, I'm going to fuck off now' talk with my boss
- rumours of hours increasing, in a place where rumours usually become true

* and by fucked over, I do not mean 'was not successful', I mean, fucked over because of bullshit language in a Collective Agreement that seems to do everything but protect me, seven times running, and yet always finds an explanation for why I can never advance, ever, despite being an excellent worker who's improved the organization and who actually has experience in this position -- okay, but that's a rant for another day about my deep-seated need for validation when I am fucking excellent, goddamnit.

i need matching canucks pepper spray

  • Apr. 16th, 2011 at 10:33 PM
neomeruru: (stfu)
So Husband and I bought our first hockey jerseys! It is very exciting. I would still give up a finger for playoff tickets, but they already took two for the jerseys, so maybe I should stop before they start going after the important ones!

I have been wearing my jersey with all faithfulness on game days (#1 on the roster and in my heart, Luongo), but I've noticed something distressing: wearing my jersey means that men shout at me on the street.

This is a new occurrence for me! I am not really the kind of woman who gets shouted at on the street, generally; always in jeans, short messy hair, dismissive look.. yeah. Not really the wolf-whistling kind. So this is new. And I hate it, oh my god.

I mean, there's the cheers and smiles from fellow fans, and that's cool. Am I waiting in line at the bank? Maybe more likely to talk to strangers. But on the street, no. I am walking somewhere, and frankly I have enough to worry about with just the act of walking itself, I really don't want to add listening to people to that burden.

And if I have my headphones on and I see someone flapping their lips at me, especially with a negative look on their face, fuck, that's not cool either. Neither is the creepy guy in the alleyway who awkwardly stopped me to talk shit about my team. What the fuck, man, why are you stopping me as I pass an alleyway to talk smack?

I have a really sensitive Predator Alarm, okay. Maybe it's a little too sensitive, but I have been hurt by men, and that's my choice and my right to make it as sensitive as I damn well please. And, okay, you, creepy man, stopping me as I am walking, glaring at me with hatred, that is ringing it.

Ugh. Ugh, ugh, ugh. It's enough to make me stop wearing my jersey. It makes me feel dirty. Why do you have to make me stop enjoying hockey too, rape culture. So uncool.

suckerpunked.

  • Apr. 1st, 2011 at 12:49 PM
neomeruru: (shut your bitch mouth)
So here is my Suckerpunch review. It's long, and doesn't talk about dragons or Bjork at all, but it's really important. I want you to read it if you like movies at all.

You know that scene in the Watchmen, where the Comedian is attempting to rape Silk Spectre I? You know how the camera lovingly caresses the violence, slowing down to fully capture every punch, every shove? It was the bullet-time violence we knew from 300, but worse, turning its unflinching eye on sexualized violence and that made it different. Harrowing.

You know that feeling you got when you watched that scene, like it was too intense, too vulgar. Like you wanted to turn away, but Snyder had captured every synapse in your brain with the music and the time dilation and the story, so you just sat there and watched it and felt uneasy, because it was a terrible scene, and you just felt, you dreaded, that it would never stop, that it might go all the way, and you barely even had time to prepare for it, to decide to look away, so you just watched.

You know that feeling?

That was basically Suckerpunch, from beginning to end. From the first lecherous look over the mother's coffin to the last scene I won't mention for spoilers, that feeling never went away.

Let me sum it up: Zack Snyder has a Rape Problem.

This is long and angry. I want you to read it. )

fucking kitchen safety, okay

  • Feb. 11th, 2011 at 2:44 PM
neomeruru: (fuck this shit!)
Dear parents:

I realize that sometimes school is unexpectedly called off, and sometimes you need to take your kids to work. It's not ideal, but life isn't ideal, and I can understand that.

But for the love of cheesy crackers (and my SANITY, okay), if you work in a food establishment, your children are not allowed to run around the kitchen. That's not me being difficult and ornery, they are literally not allowed to be in the kitchen, crawling around on the floor, hitting each other with kitchen utensils, and other things that pre-teen boys get up to.

Maybe you are too old to remember, and maybe they are too young for them to have experienced it, but I grew up with this burned into my retinas (warning: highly disturbing) and I will never fucking fuck around with fucking kitchen safety, what the fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck, I watched that video again to get the link and I need a hug. Only constant swearing and rocking back and forth will soothe this grip of sudden terror.

Boom shanka,

[livejournal.com profile] neomeruru

PS. I am not a parent, but even I know that telling a young boy that crawling around on the floor is gross is NOT going to get him to stop. I mean, really. Bugs and snails and puppy dog tails are what little boys are made of.

PPS. and there is no way that I am giving my debit card to your child, especially when he sneers 'it's only six bucks', because he may be twelve, but I will sure as hell tell him to smarten the fuck up.

the most dangerous game

  • Feb. 4th, 2011 at 2:50 PM
neomeruru: (Default)
House hunting is kind of terrible, really. It's really grates me that it is so expensive to simply have a roof over your head.

It's a reminder of the worst parts of being young and broke. D:

(as opposed to the good parts, which is... uh... well, we have love going for us. that's good.)

to wild and shocked applause

  • Jan. 29th, 2011 at 11:32 AM
neomeruru: (fuck this shit!)
Heteronormative fun times on the shuttle bus yesterday:

Bus Driver: Are you two married?
Us: Uh, yes.
BD: Yeah, I can tell. The married people never talk to each other. Single people, dating, they can't stop talking. But married people, they never talk.
Me: Uh, I don't think we've been married long enough to get to that point yet...
(awkward silence)
Me: ...and it's more like, you live with each other, you see each other every day, and after a while you don't really need words. You already know what they're thinking.
BD: So, like you communicate through glaring at each other.
Me: Yeah... I guess.
BD: I'll bet I can read him, "Look, I don't care how many times you ask, you're not getting any more shoes!"
Me: ... ... ... do I look like the kind of woman who enjoys shoes? Do I?

And then when we got of the bus, Kev turned to me and said, very seriously, "And that's when Lindsay whipped the shit out of the bus driver."

And I replied, "Shoes, don't trifle me with such nonsense, shoes, what sort of question is that, shoes."

I like having my hair a little longer and wearing clothes that don't look like the 90's threw up on me, but jesus. I need to wear a sign that says 'I will verbally fuck you up if you think I'm normal.'

A tempest cyclone, a goddamn hurricane. D:

new icon is strangely fitting

  • Dec. 15th, 2010 at 10:26 PM
neomeruru: (the end is nigh)
Okay darlings, I am sick.

Fuck everything about being sick, man. Everything aches and I'm all slow and dimwitted and pliant.

Oh, right, the other day at the neurologist basically was like 'so, as for your hands... well... what was it you draw, again? Okay, well... you should definitely try to keep drawing as long as possible... you know, as long as possible..."

D:



I basically cannot even parse that information right now, so I'm going to write emo livejournal posts, take a piss, make some fucking pancakes, and go the fuck to bed before it all sets in.

Fuck everything about life in general, too.

P.S., I made a new thing, but who the hell cares? Why try, really.

concussive maintenaince

  • Nov. 27th, 2010 at 12:46 PM
neomeruru: (shut your bitch mouth)
so today I found myself sobbing into my towel at the local rec centre

Wait, back up. So, today, I wanted to go swimming, because it's been like a week since we went last time and I need to stretch my legs and walkies are just not an option right now because of the icy snow that's piling up everywhere.

I realize, belatedly, that writing is really fucking difficult when you have a concussion

RIGHT I hadn't gotten to that part yet, so, I have a concussion BACK UP again, wait, the pool was really busy because it's a Saturday, wtf won't my fingers spell words correctly, and there were lessons and only one lane open, so I got into the lane with this woman swimming super fast, and I not only cracked my head on the bulkhead (which is totally normal for me, let's face it) but I also swam into her and cracked our heads together

so that's like hitting myself twice in the direct crying centre of my brain, plus I'm blind without my glasses and you miss all of the social facial cues without that, and not knowing where to go because I'm crying and concussed and blind and it's busy and there's children everywhere

and I couldn't even appreciate that the hot lifeguard was all 'hey I saw that little bump, you should sit on the side of the pool' because I don't have my glasses on, I mentioned that but it's important because YOU try being blind and in pain

So anyway it was too busy and Kev didn't realize that I was actually hurt because I'm year of the tiger and stupidly vain when it comes to showing weakness, so he's frustrated that there's nowhere to swim and I'm no help because, did I mention concussed and all I want is a hug and a good cry?

So that's how I ended up in the changeroom of the rec centre, sobbing into my towel.

Look, that's an entry beginning and ending with the same thematic device, I should apparently write concussed more often

So anyway I'm going to go have a lie down, the don't-let-someone-fall-asleep thing is an old wives' tale and if someone is hurt that badly they're going to slip into a coma ANYWAY and keeping them awake is kind of an impossibility. Not that I'm really that hurt, jesus, I'm just saying.

GOODNGIHT

a public service announcement

  • Nov. 7th, 2010 at 7:58 PM
neomeruru: (Default)
To: Moms

Re: Your male children

I am fine with you bringing your son into the women's changeroom... but only if you are fine with the image of my naked, jiggling self being what he thinks of when he learns how to touch himself.

Children. They grow up so fast.

Cheers,

[livejournal.com profile] neomeruru

still got it

  • Nov. 5th, 2010 at 3:49 PM
neomeruru: (Default)
Yup, chocolate still tastes way better than skinny feels. I had to check, you know, to make sure it hadn't slipped its game.

They are filming again outside my building, but, ALAS, it is not JGL. It is some television show or something.

Or perhaps they are LYING, because they think no one will show up to gawk at a local television show?

P.S. told my (male, married) boss about how we both somehow missed JGL shooting on Monday, and he was just as distraught as I was. Good place to work, or best place to work?

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