keysmashes of aroused appreciation

  • Oct. 10th, 2011 at 9:51 PM
neomeruru: (that's what I think of that)
(thanks [ profile] krytella for the title, which I lifted from a recent tweet)

So, last night I was watching I, Caveman, a two-part minidoc from Morgan Spurlock, of Supersize Me fame. It was decent, for what it was: ten people naffing about in the wilderness, living like paleolithic people for ten days, so that Spurlock could do what he normally does and sanctimoniously shoehorn in a parting message about how paleolithic people were happier and more socially connected than modern people.

Two people ended up quitting the tribe (and I still think the tribe should have gotten their bodyweight in pork in compensation), they all suffered dehydration and starvation, by the end of the ten days at least half the camp was doing fuck-all waiting for the 'experiment' to be over. The women (save one) were portrayed as whining layabouts, when recent studies postulate that the foragers of paleolithic tribes would have been bringing in the most food and running the tribe.

There was one pretty cool scene, though. The hunters (Spurlock, a bowhunter, a writer, and a bounty hunter) managed to track a herd of elk and take one down with an atlatl, a spear-chucking weapon. The hunt (which was done in accordance with local hunting regulations) was the climax of the show, a moving and powerful segment with strong cinematography. The participants were shown crying and comforting each other as they -- what seemed like sincerely -- experienced the spiritual impact of killing an animal in such a way, so they could literally take it back to their starving tribe. The writer, who threw the killing spear, said moving words about how, on his deathbed, this is the moment he will remember -- how it changed him to know that he took an animal's life, and one day it would be his turn.

Writing that kind of makes me roll my eyes at the show, but truly, it was a really powerful segment. I felt chills the whole time I was watching it, I was in awe.

But! While that's the coolest part, it is by no means the funniest. See, they skinned and cleaned this massive elk in the field, pulling no punches about the gore and the blood and the flies, then quartered the meat and hauled these HUGE legs back to the camp. Billy, the bowhunter... well... okay, picture a Jayne-looking guy, who's been fairly dependable the whole show, bringing back this 150lb shank of elk, covered in grime and blood from head to toe. While watching him heave this clean hunk of meat into a mountain river, I was realized I was doing something like this:

(I learned how to make gifs so I could make this, no lie.)

So, yeah. At first I was like, fuck yeah, I'd climb all over that.

Then I was like, wait, that's just a paleolithic re-imagining of my quite already existing competence kink.

And then I was like. OH.


I dislike evolutionary psychology... but... I mean... it's right there, this time. What came first? Did my already-known competency kink colour my perceptions of someone doing something awesome on TV (it has in the past been triggered by Sgt. Cam Woolley, I kid you not), or does said kink arise from a generic prerogative to seek out strong mates?

Ugh, that sentence makes me nauseated just typing it; evolutionary wonks make my gorge rise. Like, I obviously believe in evolution, right, that's not in question here. But I find the entire field of evolutionary psychology criminally fraught with modern biases. Apart from Wikipedia's impressive list of criticisms, it's also sort of my own personal Godwin's Law. I see it used too often in the dark corners of the internet (strong correlation to presence of neckbeards with Nice Guy Syndrome) to explain all sorts of sexist, reductionist bullshit. Every time I hear someone even BREATHE the words 'that's the way we've been since caveman times' I secretly want to drive an ice pick into their skull.

But damned if my first reaction to a staged paleolithic hunt was to reward that motherfucker with perfect babies, hot damn.
neomeruru: (hate and love)
HELLO HELLO. I am feeling oddly over-sharingy today, so this stream-of-consciousness-post is going to span a whole lot of things.

1. A spider has made an impressive web spanning the width of our front doorframe, with just enough room to duck under it. I can't help but think this is good luck -- spiders are lucky, and in mythology webs traditionally prevent evil from entering the house. So, I like this. I like our spider.

2. This Iron Man AMV gave me goosebumps:

Perfect song choice, perfect clip choice. RDJ's badassery doesn't hurt. Look at that motherfucker, raising his hands as the world explodes behind him. It makes me shudder. When Avengers comes out, I am going to be squirming in my seat from all the hot. I don't even know what I'm going to do.

3. To anyone inquiring after my mental health: I am not mad, just disappointed.

4. The landlords are having a party upstairs and the guest of honour seems to be Lord Eurotechno.

5. I have a ship, and it is Natasha/Pepper. Not Romanova; Stark. Yeah, Natasha Stark. I finally have a femmeslash ship, and it's a genderbend from a literal alternate universe. Yeesh.

6. Tumblr fandom: fundamentally different from Livejournal-centred fandom? I feel like the standards of friendly public fandom discourse I grew up with on Livejournal don't apply to Tumblr. There seem to be a lot more ship wars, lack of warnings, and disregard for crediting the original sources of fanart. The last one especially bothers me. I hope this isn't the changing of the guard on the horizon, I think this is a terrible paradigm change.

7. I do not have a Pinboard, but I like Maciej very much. I would like to send him cookies.

8. I am a think-about-it-as-you-talk kind of person, and Mr. Meruru is a remain-silent-until-ready-to-talk kind of person. This is proving difficult to manage. If you are a likes-to-think-before-speaking person, consider the mental health of the talk-all-the-time loved ones in your life. To us, not speaking during an argument serious relationship talk is tantamount to rejecting the line of conversation (and therefore us), and your silence after we've nattered on, and probably changed our minds twice while doing it, is utter agony.

9. After something like eight years, I have finally gotten my hands on a copy of Ico again! It came out earlier this week, bundled with Shadow of the Colossus. Ico was one of the best games for PS2, and has stood the test of time impressively. I finished it tonight and it literally brought tears to my eyes.

10. Seriously. No matter how grumpy and unattractive I feel, I look at set pictures for the Avengers and I think, 'Yeah, I could go for some sex right now.'

11. Last night I dreamed I was holding a very squirmy, vulnerable newborn. And then later I was admiring myself in the mirror and I was skeletal. Brain, please stop tapping into my most horrifying desires, kthx.

12. zombieboyfrands for Shousetsu Bang Bang is up to 11k words. I. What. What is this even. I hope people will read it, because I really like it and it's got all my tender squishy places written into it.

13. I am so fucking tippy recently. I regard the shower like one would regard a wild raccoon.

14. Flynn lives.

postcard prints: redux

  • Sep. 30th, 2011 at 3:24 PM
neomeruru: (Default)
Confidential to those who gave me their addresses for prints: I have word back from two people that they've made their way to the East Coast, so if you don't get yours in the next few days, let me know!

Sorry for the wait on these, guys! Postage expenses always get me in the ass, and kidney infections can go DIAF too. :D Enjoy!

Cap/Iron Man Big Bang: art post

  • Sep. 23rd, 2011 at 12:39 AM
neomeruru: (tony and steve cartoon)
Under the cut is art I did for the Captain America/Iron Man Big Bang 2011. I was lucky enough to partner with [ profile] jadedoll, a seasoned Big Bang writer and all-around fantastic person to collaborate with. She wrote a charming little story called Buy You A Mockingbird in which the canon female!Tony-from-an-alternate-universe shows up and, with her dying breath, charges Tony with the care of her biological child. Who happens to also be the son of Steve Rogers, naturally -- theirloveissocanon. ANYWAY: in which Tony Stark starts caring for someone other than himself, and babies make everyone fall in love with each other.

( Apparently babies don't do that in real life, or so I'm told. Good thing I live in a fantasy world. :D)

Very minor spoilers for the story itself, but if you've made it this far you already know them. Natasha Stark dies! There's a baby involved! Hard to spoil for the central conceit of the story. :D Oh, and there's the tiniest, teeniest bit of blood, because I have a niche and I am going to exploit it, good god.

with my last breath, I curse zoidburg! wait, no, that's not right )

my friends are the best friends

  • Sep. 14th, 2011 at 2:16 PM
neomeruru: (omgomgsquee)
I am very lucky to have very good friends indeed, friends who have written me things with the bare minimum of wheedling and begging required on my part!

First there is delightful blowjob porn from [ profile] beeblebabe, because she was in a mood to write random porn and I was in a mood to request slow suckling sloppy blowjobs (my favorite!) and she intuited my great need for Tony/Steve fic that isn't terrible, and this was the result. I think I have a New Thing about Steve touching Tony's arc reactor, and it just won't go away.

And then there is fic from [ profile] ladysisyphus to go along with my dancing bunnyboy, in which Fran confounds and terrifies Balthier in equal measure, as well she should. W2 has the Osmithian language down, not just in dialogue but the narrative too, and it's just so lyrical and wonderful that it's a joy to read.


art: le chant de la forĂȘt

  • Sep. 13th, 2011 at 11:08 PM
neomeruru: (keyboard flail)
I know I'm so, SO late crossing the finish line on this one, but I finally finished FFXII for the first time a few nights ago, and immediately needed to draw some fanart.


Ahem, well, there are no fistbumps or dashing sky pirates in this one. Just a sexy male viera doing the dance of love the forest. SFW, but a scantily clad male in this one.

hjllrn, speaker of the woods )

today, panther penis; tomorrow, the world

  • Sep. 13th, 2011 at 9:19 PM
neomeruru: (like a champ)
My very first Google search terms report:

brown recluse spiderman [NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.]
cid highwind slash fanfiction
eames/arthur livejournal teacher abusing dom but arthur says he's being abused
eunuch [hey!]
is there a way to delete all your livejournal memories
last party of alderaan
lol bye bitch [hey! D:)
panther penis
pokemon kink meme
setting long hair for wwii styles
someone you might have been j2
tiny boy ass impaled on his cock [you're welcome]
tracking the shit out of this anon

art: The Next Morning... (Tony/Steve)

  • Sep. 11th, 2011 at 11:39 AM
neomeruru: (tony and steve)
So in between sleeping and drinking water and lying on the couch immobile, I finished a picture! Technically three pictures, because it's a comic book page.

Maybe NSFW (provocative partial male nudity).


PSA: small fandom big bang

  • Sep. 7th, 2011 at 10:18 AM
neomeruru: (you should have seen me reading dunhill)
I signed up for this in the hopes of broadening my artistic horizons:

A 10,000-word big bang for small fandoms!
FAQ | Schedule | Artists | Writers | Affiliate


  • Sep. 4th, 2011 at 1:57 PM
neomeruru: (tony and steve)
This post is a total GIP. Thanks for the awesome icons, [ profile] eamesie! I have wanted a Tony/Steve icon for a while, and I'll be doing some posting for the upcoming Cap/Iron Man Big Bang this month, so it was much needed. <3

This is how I feel today! Embed:

Yesterday I finished my picture for said Big Bang, so that's cool! I'm pretty happy with it! I drew not one, but two sets of Iron Man armour, which was kind of intimidating, but hey! Now I know how to draw and colour armour! :D

Today I am going to try to do some speedpainting, go find Harvest Moon for the GBA, eat fish, and bake a carrot cake in a castle-shaped pan. And it's already 2PM, whoops. Better get on that.

I just got an AO3 account, where my one lonely fanfic is currently sitting, but I hear they'll be hosting images soon, which should provide avenues for storing transformative work in the form of fanart just by itself, so I'm pretty pleased with that. Right now it's just a place to collect bookmarks, though. ^^;

ae_match roundup

  • Aug. 29th, 2011 at 9:35 AM
neomeruru: (Default)
So, ae_match is over!

I am SUPER IMPRESSED by the hustle from both teams yesterday! At first I thought for sure Team Romance would come out on top because of their incredible lead in the first week, then Team Angst had a slow but sure comeback in the later weeks, and THEN Angst exploded all over the place yesterday and I thought for sure we were going to cinch it, and then Romance answered right back with a hustle of their own, and it was just fab. I honestly couldn't tell you who's my pick to win it, but all along I have been saying, without irony, that we're all winners from the upswing in amazing fanworks.

My hands-down favorite you-must-read-this rec from the fest is Quito, by [ profile] starbolin, because not only is it scorching hot and leaves me breathless, but it does it in that particular way that [ profile] starbolin does every time that makes me wonder if they were secretly sent here on a mission to fulfill my happiness.

My favorite submission for the other team (you filthy curs!) is Things Arthur Finds Fun by [ profile] adelaide_rain. Every time I read it, my face splits into this goofy smile that will not go down for hours, it is like like the blue pill for smiles and I have facial priapism. The premise is kind of silly (Arthur likes roleplaying trashy romance-novel style), but it is done so sweetly and so self-aware of its silliness that it just works.

Art by me is over here: Murder Your Darlings and If We Turned Our Reactors to the Sun (pt. ii), and also these icons, because I love you, Team All The Crys.

I like everyone so much that I made you a macro:

image credit: breathy @ tumblr

And I know I said it in the party post, but I think we all owe a great thanks to [ profile] foxxcub for organizing it, and to team leaders [ profile] gelbwax, [ profile] sparrow_hubris, and [ profile] duckgirlie for their tireless work in keeping us organized; I know over on Team Angst things ran really swell, and the match as a whole was really well-managed and just a good idea all around. Cheers!

this is only a test

  • Aug. 27th, 2011 at 1:34 AM
neomeruru: (fuck this shit!)
A keen little bird has told me that my images have all suddenly disappeared, and I am blaming this scheduled outage at my alma mater, who still handle my webhosting. Images and other things I have thrown on there over the years should be working again by tomorrow.

Until then, if you absolutely need to look at my collection of blood and dicks art, you can find it over on my deviantART page as usual.

Man, a day-long service outage feels like seven years in internet time!

I've been looking at getting my own hosting, but my major stumbling block is the domain name. I am secretly terrible at words, you guys; I just know how to put them in the right order, not make them sound good!


art for ssbb 32: hot for teacher

  • Aug. 23rd, 2011 at 1:00 PM
neomeruru: (i like it this much)

And by that I mean, the August issue of Shousetsu Bang*Bang is out, and it's the Hot for Teacher edition.

In this issue I illustrated two stories by my homebros: Sweet to Tongue and Sound to Eye by the inimitable [ profile] jibrailis, and One False Move by the prodigious [ profile] ladysisyphus.

Sweet to Tongue and Sound to Eye takes place in a world where magic has only recently been discovered in Regency-era England. It tells the story of a man who, stolen by Fairy as a boy, searches for what he lost in that realm that makes him so removed from human comfort. All my gore/bloodkink friends should turn their eyes to this one, and that's all I'm saying there.

One False Move is a powerful subversion of the issue's theme, instead telling the story of a teacher who's been accused of sexually harassing students in his class. It's a subtle story about the grim prospects for gay teachers and the seriousness of the power imbalance in teacher/student relationships. Regardless, it's also got that incredible lightness and intense humanity that [ profile] ladysisyphus weaves into all of her SSBB stories; as always, a guaranteed good read.

Under the cut are the three images I did for the issue. There are slight spoilers and a gore warning for Sweet to Tongue and Sound to Eye, so if that bothers you, you should go read that story first.

intro to hot for teacherology )

Shousetsu Bang*Bang is a bi-monthly webzine for original fiction in the grand tradition of boys-love serial manga, where boy meets boy and, eventually, they live happily ever after.

It is an amazing project to work on, and I have been so lucky to collaborate with some awe-inspiring people. I highly encourage everyone to go and friend [ profile] bb_shousetsu; it's the announcements comm and sign-ups, so just sit on it for a while and see if something strikes your fancy. Or if you want to tackle it with a friend, let me know and we'll work on it together.

Last month, I asked everyone to go and read even just one story and leave a comment. The outpouring of comments from that was just awesome, and I really appreciate everyone who did! It really does mean a lot to the authors to get those comments, because we all know that venturing into original writing is a terrifying, and sometimes thankless, prospect. I'm asking you again to go take a look at the most recent issue and leave some more love for these brave, hard-working, and creative writers!

I haven't read all the stories yet, but here are some quick and dirty summaries of the ones I have:

Mister Seagull Gives No Fucks: quasi-anonymous hatesex between a hardass teacher and his ex-student

Taylor the Demon Hunter: petulant Slayer Hunter seduces his very-British Watcher Sentinel

Look to the Beat: SYTYCD-hopeful takes dancing lessons from a SYTYCD alumni

an observation on favorites

  • Aug. 20th, 2011 at 10:42 AM
neomeruru: (more dots now)
Finding out that Emma Thompson dated Hugh Laurie in college, then went on to marry Kenneth Branagh, who himself after their divorce dated Helena Bonham Carter, is kind of like real-life fanfiction for me.

Like how in Harry Potter fandom where I prefer to read about the Marauder era, or FFX fandom where I prefer Team Absent Father Figure, or my years-long serious relationship with the Turks from FFVII... basically, it's like a real-life version of how I fixate on obscure older characters that no one else really cares about! :O

Relatedly, I now have enough data points to definitively say that I Have A Type, and that type is criminals in love. It all makes sense now.

Totally unrelated at all, last night I had a dream in which Allison Janney was my love interest. Phoooar, brain, thank you for that.

at least we have our health

  • Aug. 18th, 2011 at 11:58 AM
neomeruru: (shut your bitch mouth)
The following mountains I have climbed in order to claim my orthotics expenses:

- wait forever and a day to receive invoice
- wait forever and a day to get receipt of payment
- don't know my EHP member number
- don't know my employee group
- don't know if I'm covered under Husband's plan as well
- don't know Husband's EHP group number or member number
- Husband's HR representative makes a cockatoo look smart
- what's my official name again?
- change name here! change name here! change name-- OH GOD IT WILL NEVER BE DONE
- a wild EYE EXAM appears? CLAIM ITEM PKMN RUN
- my plan covers eye exams! oh no, wait, it doesn't
- register for Husband's online claim management, how do?
- eye exam receipt calls me Mr. [neomeruru], what
- find direct deposit information on helpful form which I stored in an obvious location, of course
- not listed under married name as Husband's dependent

And now just today:

- Husband's plan will not take my eye exam claim until it's already been declined by mine! Even though it very clearly states my plan does not cover eye exams!


Seriously okay I got through this whole thing without having a bureaucracy-related flip-out, but that really takes the cake. I get a perverse thrill out of understanding and navigating complex systems, but purposefully inefficient systems make me HULK SMASH--

AN EFFICIENT MERURU IS A HAPPY MERURU. It's right up there with food and shelter. Food, shelter, water, and my mighty MACHETE OF EFFICIENCY

So I am sending a clutch of original receipts (with photocopies clenched in my cold, unfeeling hands) off to my EHP provider, $165 of which I know will be outright denied, when I could -- COME ON. THE BRASS RING IS RIGHT THERE. LET ME GRAB IT.

On the plus side, my optometrist is the absolute best, and I want to pull his head into my lap and pet his hair as he stares off into the distance and talks about corneal thickness and macular degeneration. My prescription has only changed by .25 in four years, undoubtedly due to eyestrain over the past year as I spend increasing amounts of time in front of the computer working on art. So that means I can start looking into laser eye surgery, if I so desire.

I'm not sure if I will... I know that I should. I'm not scared of the procedure at all -- I'm actually scared of what comes after. I wear glasses. I just... do. I wear glasses. I have since I was six. What would life be like without them? Easier, in some ways, but I'm the kind of person who resists change if the present situation is at least adequate. Has anyone had laser eye surgery and can talk about the experience, in that way?

notes from the outback

  • Aug. 14th, 2011 at 10:37 PM
neomeruru: (Default)
I wrote a thing on [ profile] butterflythread's Opposite Day Meme! It's something that I've had kicking around in my head for a while, but never actually sat down to put into words. I like writing! I also super hate it, ugh, it's so stressful, how do you writers do it?!

I haven't posted anything personal in a while, so sorry for that! The truth is, I haven't been doing anything interesting lately. I've been spending my time doing art for [ profile] ladysisyphus's upcoming Shousetsu Bang Bang -- I'm really psyched for one of them, as my friends have no doubt realized as I am SHOWING IT OFF TO EVERYONE. And I've also started one for [ profile] jibrailis, so come August 22 I'll have three pictures to post, hurrah.

I've also picked up an illustration for the [ profile] cap_ironman Big Bang, which I have dubbed SUDDENLY PARENTS. No inroads on that one yet. And then of course my Big Bang with [ profile] sho_no_tabi and also I signed up to claim a story as well, because I apparently just cant get enough.

In between arts I have been completely failing to go out and enjoy the summer -- I have this thing where, during the summer, I am perfectly happy to sit inside in the dark, and by the time October rolls around I am SUPER UPSET WITH MYSELF that I wasted the summer away, even though it was a conscious choice at the time. Though, this week I did get up to Cultus Lake (hi Cathy!) with my family. It was the first time I'd been to the lake, and the water was great except for that everyone got swimmer's itch, and I saw a bald eagle catch a fish and take it up to its nest and that was pretty amazing, and I ate a lot of marshmallows and generally had a good time.

Confidential to people who gave me their addresses for postcards: the images are at the printers and I should be getting those out shortly! Thanks for your patience. <3

inception big bang!

  • Aug. 13th, 2011 at 10:23 AM
neomeruru: (Default)

Round 2 of the [ profile] inception_bang has started!
All pairings/genres are welcome, 15,000 word mimimum for fics.

FAQ | Prompt Post

Sign Ups: Author | Artist | Track Two | Beta

Sign-ups for Round 2 of the Inception Big Bang have started! Well, we made it to our second year, folks!

I am super happy to say that I will be signing up in Track 2, with my bestie homegirl:

[ profile] sho_no_tabi

... who I hope you remember from my incessant flailing over Dig, Lazarus Dig, Glitch, Plenty of Good Thieves, and many, many more. I have basically just been flailing since she offered to collab, oh my god. So I am A LITTLE LIKE THIS ABOUT THIS BIG BANG:

(Seriously, I mean that literally. I got her message and went out into the living room and made that exact dance at Husband. I am a little invested.)

I might sign up as a general artist as well -- Tabi is already hardcore into her story, so I'll have my hands on the draft well before Artist Claims in December, resulting in a lot of time to work on a second Big Bang. I'm not sure yet! If more writers make it to claims than artists, I might throw my lot in there too.
neomeruru: (keyboard flail)
So I watched Captain America!

Chances of acquiring a new fandom centred entirely around Tony/Steve: very, very, very high.

for our boys in blue )

things that made me happy today

  • Jul. 29th, 2011 at 2:24 PM
neomeruru: (Default)
On a happier note, I have things in my tabs! Consume them!

The Art of Nickie: Nickie is a bara illustrator, which means he draws big, thick, beefy guys with nice fat cocks a lot. And boy, does he ever do it well. And he lives in my city, how cool is that!!

Lost & Taken is my new favorite resource for free textures. They are so, so beautiful. My favorite is the Watercolour Textures.

Dead End Thrills takes screenshots from video games and, through various cheats, filters, and effects, turns them into stunning, high-res widescreen wallpapers. All of them are gorgeous, especially this GTA and Mass Efffect ones. He even offers print-sized resolutions to turn them into wall art! What a man!


neomeruru: (Default)
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